I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
A+ Viking dick
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
