I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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