He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize