I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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