i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
