she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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