you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
