puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
