Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
