HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
