I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
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i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
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Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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