i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
