Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize