I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
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She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
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How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??