I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.