i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.