And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
