Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
