Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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