Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
