I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
