i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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