O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
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im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
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He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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