you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Everything about him screamed your future.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
