Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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