so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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