i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
