babies were throwing up all over the place
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize