did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
