I love black thongs
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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