i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
