he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
