I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
