Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
