My room smells like vodka and shame
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
