I didn't shave. On purpose
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
