All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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