I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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