I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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