Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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