She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize