he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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