he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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