is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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