I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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