Duck Duck Cougar?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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