so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I need water and some morals
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
