Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
