Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
