you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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