Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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