i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
