It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
