I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
being pregnant is like rehab
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
