My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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