but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
