dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation