I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!