Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...