He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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