so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
