Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
