anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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