oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
