we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
