I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
