We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
