So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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