remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
