I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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