Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
His nipple licking is glorious
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