dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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