My boss' voice literally gives me gas
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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