Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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