don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
