The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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