What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
