Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
