So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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