If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
