I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You ate ashes out of my bong
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
