why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
